Category: Love, Sex and Dating
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The Gender Sex Drive Gap And What To Do About It
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Are there innate gender differences which continue to determine our sex drives or is sex drive a social construct that can be changed as societies, cultures, and technologies change? As with all the nature-nurture debates, the answer is: yes. As in: both. D’uh. But there is some interesting science involved that you should hear about.…
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The Real Reason Why ‘Nice Guys’ Finish Last
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People tend to conflate being nice with being a doormat. These are not the same and a solution to people treating you like a doormat is not to stop being nice. It’s to develop some healthy self-respect. A few months ago, I met this girl on Feeld. Normally, I’m not much for using dating apps…
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The Shades of Rejection: Friend-Zoning, Sex-Zoning, and So Much More
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Rejection is more complex than you think, but thinking about it in a more nuanced way will help you process it better My Ex-Lover I used to have a great lover. She was hot, fiercely smart, and joyfully adventurous. This one time, we were horny on the way to a party, so another lover lent me…
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How Do Men Stop Being Needed and Start Being Wanted
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Women no longer need men. If guys want to find a partner, they must focus on being wanted. But they also can’t desperately need women, as this only reverses the dynamic. Instead, we should seek balance and use becoming wanted as an opportunity to grow. Let’s start with a metaphor A few years ago I moved…
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Do Guys Want Sex, or What?
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Can ancient philosophy help you deal with feeling unwanted, undesired and deeply sexually frustrated? Men crave validation, acceptance, and comfort, we want to feel wanted and visible. But the main way we have been taught to get all of that is through sex. That’s not always healthy or useful. We should follow Socrates’ advice and really…
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Consent Is Not Easy
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The Mess We Call ‘Desire’ In my little Berlin community, sex positivity, polyamory, and kink are the norm. Just last weekend, we hosted some 30 friends for an all-night sex party which got rather wild rather quickly, with the last foursome of the night finishing around 9 am. And you know what? No drama. Whatsoever. The…
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How to Compliment a Woman
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This International Women’s Day: A short guide for guys who are confused and don’t want to do anything creepy. Romance is dead. Flirting and chatting people up on the street is just creepy. You can’t even open your mouth next to a woman these days, because everything you say is sexual harassment. I hear guys say those…
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On Being Desired
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Basking in the flames It’s party night. I just know this one is going to be awesome. A handpicked crowd of weirdos and misfits, a massive flat with themed rooms, a bunch of art performances… I took Monday off. I’m pretty hyped and feel like making an effort for this one. Just as well that…
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What’s Wrong With Watching Porn?
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The problem with porn, of course, is not whether we should enjoy it or not. The problem is that many people can’t really tell porn sex from real sex and try to transplant what they see on the screen into their lives.