Some men are suffering. Some are weak and can’t find their place in the modern world. Many need help. But is there anyone who actually wants to offer them help? 

Recently, I decided to make a move away from writing and establish a presence on YouTube and various social media. This journey has been pretty educational so far and gave me a lot more insight into what many men actually struggle with. I recorded a text on Men’s Problems I wrote here and got some interesting responses which I think are worth discussing.

And it’s working. I’m getting engagement from guys whom I simply wouldn’t reach here. And their reactions tell quite a story. There’s been a few across different platforms, but one common thread comes up again and again.

Despair.

I’m just going to quote one guy who I think expresses it quite well.

“if a man is sufferring then women will see him as a weak partner and mate and avoid him, as other men will either use the sufferring man as a tool to aid them in what they want to get […]. My point is there is no benefit on the indivdual level to help a sufferring man, unlike a sufferring woman a well off man can help her to later mate with her, as a well off woman can also help the sufferring woman to have someone to help them if no men are around, or to help keep away toxic/bad men away, or to have another hand in raising kids if the man and woman are poly. Idk why society doesn’t focus on helping sufferring men, as it will aid in a lot of issues with society, same with how the USA does not have a better and more affordable health care for its people, as improve the nation’s health will save more money on taxes in the long run and make more people happy and productive for the nation. I guess individual wants and desires overpowers the group or society needs, which f-ing sucks.“

To be honest, when I see someone writing that men help women to mate with them, I want to immediately switch off, but I decided to give the guy the benefit of the doubt. I think he’s got a point. Who actually has any reason to help suffering, helpless, lost, confused men?

I honestly don’t know the answer. I am very curious what you think, please say in the comments. But the truth is, there are very many men out there who do need help, who are weak, lost and confused, and what do they hear?

• From those sticking to traditional gender roles they hear they should man up. Which is as helpful as telling a depressed person to get a grip.
• From progressives they get told off for whining while actually they have so much male priviledge that what is even their problem. Which, essentially, is the same as telling them to man up, just with a woke aura of moral superiority.
• From institutions they get nothing, because we need to prioritise helping women and people from minority groups.
• From women they mostly get a cold shoulder, though it’s often ridicule, too. Maybe, if they’re lucky, it’s pity.
• From men who don’t have similar problems, they get contempt and derision.
• From men who do have similar problems, they get the same, because that’s how those men can feel like they’re at least a bit better.

So who is there to help those guys? 

And as much as I cringed at the ‘mating’ comment, it does seem like there is quite a gender disparity here. Nobody tells struggling women to just stop whining. There are institutions that help them. Stronger women don’t treat those weaker than them with such contempt. And would most men treat struggling women with the same cold and ridicule? You tell me.

The commenter continues:

“A lot of the time a suffering man needs help when they are doing very bad that a lot of their life is messed up, as a result it will require so much energy time and resources from well off men and women to get that suffering man back to baseline of a normal functioning man. And a lot of times you can get little to no benefits from helping the suffering man right away, all those factors make the human brain see the effort of helping a suffering man pointless and such a drain.”

Well, sure. And honestly, nobody can expect it. But then, who will help? Because help is very clearly needed!

They should help themselves and each other, of course. That’s what I said. But the commenter has a point:

“Yes suffering man should better themselves and get therapy and help one another, but it’s more complicated than that. Idk if you ever had major stress and depression, but if you did you will know it is very very hard to start getting better to get out of your hole all by yourself. And the more alone you are the most self destructive behavior you will do in yourself ironically. Also if you are metaphorically drowning you are not likely to save someone else who is drowning. You have to be in a better place to have the time and energy to help someone else.”

Touché. 

And I do have to say that as a society, we are currently way better at recognising that people who suffer from anxiety or depression need and should be given help and can’t be expected to help themselves, than that struggling men do.

So do we just let the suffering men suffer?

Sure, we live in a world with limited resources and need to have priorities.

Sure, nobody can be expected to spend their time and effort on things they don’t want to do, and nobody owes those men anything.

But have some goddam empathy, people! It must really suck to be there.

Why is anyone surprised that those guys get hopeless and fall into incel pits of despair or try to save the last shreds of their dignity by following regressive conservative influencers who seem to be the only people on Earth who give the slightest sliver of a fuck about them?!

I honestly don’t know where to finish this. Ideas, anyone?