{"id":874,"date":"2024-11-06T09:03:28","date_gmt":"2024-11-06T09:03:28","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/simonfokt.org\/?p=874"},"modified":"2024-11-15T09:13:17","modified_gmt":"2024-11-15T09:13:17","slug":"the-democrats-forgot-that-men-are-people-too","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/simonfokt.org\/index.php\/2024\/11\/06\/the-democrats-forgot-that-men-are-people-too\/","title":{"rendered":"The Democrats Forgot That Men Are People, Too"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p><strong>In 1986,<a href=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Marie_Shear\"> Marie Shear <\/a>famously wrote: \u201cFeminism is the radical notion that women are people.\u201d In 2024, the US Democratic Party should perhaps start entertaining the notion that men are people, too.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Except this time \u2018being people\u2019 is not about having the same rights. It\u2019s about having the same psychology. It\u2019s about struggling, having flaws, being easily confused, having emotional responses and rationalising them, and above all\u200a\u2014\u200anot liking those who make us feel bad.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Unlike robots, people have feelings. People do not consider rational or moral arguments without paying any attention to how they make us feel. People will often act against reason, ethics, and even our own best interests if we hope that it will make us feel better. If you\u2019ve never done that, throw the first stone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Unlike robots, people are social. We want to feel that we belong, that others value us, that we have a tribe. People will often compromise our morals and rationalise anything if it means that we can feel welcome and wanted. If you\u2019ve never done that, throw the first stone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>People vote with their hearts just as much as they do with their brains. Yes, we try to consider our options and make a reasoned decision. But we also vote for those we like, those who make us feel understood, valued and heard. For those who make us feel welcome.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>So why don\u2019t young men vote for Harris and the Democrats? Because they\u2019re people. And people don\u2019t like to be ruled by those who:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Say their problems and needs don\u2019t matter<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Constantly remind them about their flaws<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Say that the future is not for them<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Make them feel guilty for the sins of others<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Say that everything about them is wrong and they need to change<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Make them feel like whatever they do, it\u2019s not good enough<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>It doesn\u2019t matter if any of that is true, right, or deserved. Do you have a partner? Does your partner have flaws? Go on, bring them up every day and make them feel guilty. See how long they\u2019ll stick around.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The Democrats might have all the correct rational arguments. Following them is the morally right thing to do. It might even be in men\u2019s self-interest\u200a\u2014\u200abut so what, if they also make men feel judged, rejected and unimportant? People do not make political decisions based solely on reason.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Yes, we do need to dismantle the patriarchy, end gender-based violence, and empower marginalised voices. Masculine gender norms do need to change and men should often prioritise the needs of others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But there must be <a href=\"https:\/\/simonfokt.org\/index.php\/2023\/05\/22\/feminism-has-a-pr-problem\/\">better ways to talk about it<\/a>. <em>Ways that do not make people feel unwanted, judged and belittled.<\/em> Ways that show that we actually care about them. Treat them like humans, not like obstacles on the road to gender justice. Allow them to be \u2018one of us\u2019 even if they\u2019re not entirely perfect.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Yet the overwhelming message the Democrats have for men is: <em>We don\u2019t like you, you do not belong here. Not unless you admit you\u2019re toxic, forget about your needs and focus entirely on solving other people\u2019s problems while we mock yours. Also, vote for us.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The only men this rhetoric speaks to, are those who consider themselves \u2018not like the other boys.\u2019 When they hear about toxic masculinity, they think: not me, it\u2019s them. When they hear that the Future is Female, they think: gender is a social construct, we all play male and female roles, and I\u2019m quite happy with my female side.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But many men actually quite like being men. They do want to be like the other boys. They want the future to be theirs, too.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>You might think this is about justice. It was a long time coming. It\u2019s what\u2019s right. We can\u2019t let people get away with their wrongdoings.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But we don\u2019t live in some abstract realm of moral absolutes. This is politics. You might be right, but so what? Your choice was never: find a way to connect with less-than-perfect men or a feminist utopia. Your choice was: connect with less-than-perfect men or Trump. If you never bend, you end up broken.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Men are people: we have feelings as well as reason and we do what makes us feel wanted, accepted, and valued\u200a\u2014\u200aeven if it\u2019s not good for us, for others, or the world.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The Democrats and progressives around the world should have some understanding, as they are clearly people, too: they do what makes them feel righteous and morally superior\u200a\u2014\u200aeven if it\u2019s not good for them, for others, or for the world.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>May this election will be a wake-up call. The Democrats and progressives around the world desperately need to find ways to talk with men. Not at men. With men. They don\u2019t need to compromise their progressive platform to do that. They just need to remember that men are people, too.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>In 1986, Marie Shear famously wrote: \u201cFeminism is the radical notion that women are people.\u201d In 2024, the US Democratic Party should perhaps start entertaining the notion that men are people, too. Except this time \u2018being people\u2019 is not about having the same rights. It\u2019s about having the same psychology. It\u2019s about struggling, having flaws, [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":875,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[10,11],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-874","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-equality","category-masculinity"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.4 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>The Democrats Forgot That Men Are People, Too - Man&#039;s Compass with Dr Simon Fokt<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Turns out, people - men included - are guided by emotions and want to feel like you care about\u00a0them - and that&#039;s how they vote\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/simonfokt.org\/index.php\/2024\/11\/06\/the-democrats-forgot-that-men-are-people-too\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_GB\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"The Democrats Forgot That Men Are People, Too - 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