{"id":738,"date":"2024-04-11T06:54:27","date_gmt":"2024-04-11T06:54:27","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/simonfokt.org\/?p=738"},"modified":"2024-05-15T10:13:51","modified_gmt":"2024-05-15T10:13:51","slug":"the-two-ways-we-approach-mens-problems-are-both-wrong","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/simonfokt.org\/index.php\/2024\/04\/11\/the-two-ways-we-approach-mens-problems-are-both-wrong\/","title":{"rendered":"The Two Ways We Approach Men\u2019s Problems Are Both Wrong"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

But there is a third and we should really start following it now.<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

There is one thing that the most hardcore progressives and most conservative manosphere gurus agree on: their response to a man who comes out to talk about the problems he struggles with.\u00a0About his loneliness, about feeling useless, feeling like everyone and everything is against him.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

Man up and stop whining.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Now, the common narratives go one of two ways:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Much of the Manosphere:<\/strong>\u00a0The problems men are facing are real and serious, therefore men should sort them out at any cost.\u00a0Follow my Alpha advice and buy this PUA course.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many Progressives:<\/strong> To ensure that men don\u2019t \u2018solve\u2019 their problems by harming women, we must deny that they are real or serious.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There is a feedback loop between the two. The progressives fear that men will do anything to address their problems, including things which are harmful to women.\u00a0A guy is feeling lonely? It\u2019s fair game if he decides to manipulate a girl into bed.\u00a0He\u2019s not feeling on top of life and needs to bump up his status with the bros?\u00a0Why not abuse some women, that always makes you feel stronger.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

They rebel against such \u2018solutions\u2019 and end up going overboard: they simply deny that there are problems<\/a> to be solved in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The manosphere responds:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Your problems are very real, guys, and since they don\u2019t care about you in the slightest, you don\u2019t need to care about them either.\u00a0You are absolutely allowed to do whatever you need to do to get what you want.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Thus, they rebel against the progressives and to underline just how unfair it is that their suffering is dismissed, they simply say that it is OK to make women suffer in return. Sometimes it\u2019s intentional harm, mostly it\u2019s just collateral of getting what you want.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Does this lead anywhere?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sure: Hate. Distrust. Division. All the nice things. All we do is keep proving that they <\/strong>are horrible and we<\/strong> are justified in mistreating them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What a wonderful world.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, here is an idea, guys. How about a third way?<\/h1>\n\n\n\n
\n

How about admitting that men\u2019s problems are real and serious\u00a0BUT ALSO<\/strong>\u00a0that we must stay ethical when addressing them?<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Shocking, right? I know.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dear Men<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

I know it sucks to be a man these days. On so many levels.\u00a0Our feelings of loneliness, worries of uselessness, or frustration with mixed messages are all real and valid.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And yes,\u00a0it\u2019s annoying to have people tell us that we should be vulnerable and then mock us when we are.\u00a0To be always expected to initiate, have women reject and judge us for the slightest misstep, and feel like people have a problem with everything we do. To swipe right all day knowing that even if by some miracle we get a match, she won\u2019t reply to our message \u2014 assuming \u2018she\u2019 isn\u2019t just a fake profile the app uses as bait.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But none of this entitles us to be immoral.\u00a0It all sucks, but however much it does, we are still not allowed to just go about harming, manipulating or abusing other human beings to make the pain go away. This is just not how ethics works.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s not:\u00a0Do the right thing, unless you\u2019re sad and frustrated, then anything goes.<\/em>\u00a0No. Do the right thing, end of story. Otherwise, what?\u00a0Thou shalt not kill, unless you really want his stuff and he\u2019s an annoying prick anyway?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I know our problems are real. And we should absolutely expect them to be treated seriously. But we need to find the right, ethical ways of solving them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dear Progressives (of any gender)<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Please do not invalidate men\u2019s struggles.\u00a0I know you\u2019re angry and tired. I know you think the problems men struggle with don\u2019t compare to those they subject women to.\u00a0I know women\u2019s problems are mostly caused by men while men\u2019s problems are\u2026 also mostly caused by men.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Your anger and frustration are so valid. There are certainly men out there who deserve the full fury of our wrath.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But most guys genuinely struggle. Most of them wouldn\u2019t hurt a fly but all too often if those feelings are left unresolved for long enough, they can become dangerous. Some men start acting out their pain in ways that are harmful to themselves and others. As I said, this doesn\u2019t excuse them, but if we address their issues before it gets to that point, we can prevent this.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But this isn\u2019t only about the impact those men have on others \u2014 it is about their own wellbeing, too. Even the guys who won\u2019t act out their pain still suffer and need help. Invalidating their pain instead will only make it worse. Besides, how will men get more emotionally intelligent if we keep invalidating their emotions?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We need to find the right ways of approaching men, even if denying their problems exist is easier.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dear All,<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Let\u2019s stop approaching men\u2019s problems in either of the wrong ways and start solving them, ethically.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

But there is a third and we should really start following it now. There is one thing that the most hardcore progressives and most conservative manosphere gurus agree on: their response to a man who comes out to talk about the problems he struggles with.\u00a0About his loneliness, about feeling useless, feeling like everyone and everything […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":742,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[10,11],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-738","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-equality","category-masculinity"],"yoast_head":"\nApproaching Men's Problems: Challenging the Status Quo<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Explore the flaws in the two common approaches to men's problems & find a new perspective for addressing them. 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