There\u2019s a whole list of things men are supposed to do, or be, or like and dislike, and so on. The stuff real men are into, that which they should never escape from, and that which they\u2019d never do.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n In some circles, you can fail to satisfy one of the points from the \u2018manly\u2019 list, but if it\u2019s two or more\u2026 well, you\u2019re probably not man enough.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Once you reach the ripe old age of 21 or so, once you\u2019re done with desperately trying to fit in with the cool kids and go on to live your actual life, those circles become rarer. But by that time, we have all internalised their message and in many little ways, we continue to police ourselves and each other.<\/p>\n\n\n\n And you might not care about this, but I\u2019m sure you know what stuff I\u2019m talking about.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Wearing only specific colours, ideally solely in the form of trousers, (t)shirts or suits. Remaining stoic no matter what. Being willing to use force. Being into fancy cars. Repairing cars. Repairing things around the house. DIY. Wanting lots of sex and getting it, ideally with beautiful women. Preferring hard facts to soft feelings. Generally preferring everything that\u2019s hard, clear and straight to what\u2019s soft, vague and curved. Making money, ideally lots. Enforcing respect. Being competitive. Watching sports. Beer and pizza. Hunting, fishing, grilling. Caring about social hierarchies and climbing them. Having a stable relationship with a woman. Liking action films but not rom-coms. Doing only essential personal grooming. <\/p>\n\n\n\n These are some obvious examples, but the list continues. We might not be able to quote it from memory, but you and I both know that if someone mentions something, anything, we can probably classify it: manly or unmanly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n But between you and me, guys: do you actually like being a man? I mean, sure, we all like this or that aspect of it, maybe even many, but the whole package?<\/p>\n\n\n\n We might have internalised this list and the imperative to conform to it. But do we really need to care about it? <\/p>\n\n\n\n Because the truth is, in much of the modern world men can go through life perfectly happily without giving two squats about what society tells us we should be like. Behold the spoils of liberalism!<\/p>\n\n\n\n I was curious what actual men actually think about this, so I went around asking on various forums:<\/p>\n\n\n\n What is the traditionally manly stuff that you don\u2019t chime with and are quite happy to not have to be or do or like?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n I got hundreds of replies and was not at all surprised that pretty much every point of the manly list does not suit somebody. Guys would commonly say there was just a time in their lives when they realised that actually, most people grow out of the teenage need to judge you by how well you fit in a box. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Most people really don\u2019t care, so why should we? And if some do, well, you can just not hang out with them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n They really enjoyed female protagonists and very emotional storylines, Barbie <\/em>came up again and again. Quite a few couldn\u2019t stop talking about how awesome the romance genre is. I ended with a long list of great recommendations for stuff to see.<\/p>\n\n\n\n You\u2019d be surprised how many guys said they don\u2019t particularly fancy this game of running after skirts and how funny they find the men who puff up every time a woman enters the room, tripping over their feet to impress her. Many guys hate the trope that they should be the ones doing the chasing and women the ones waiting to be chased after.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Doing them, but most of all\u200a\u2014\u200awatching them. I have to say I sympathise with this a lot. I personally couldn\u2019t care less who\u2019s winning which sportsball tournament, and when I know there\u2019s some important game in town at all, it\u2019s probably because there are some diversions or something.<\/p>\n\n\n\n It\u2019s fascinating how many men said they are very happy to have a low sex drive or that they wish that their sex drives were lower. I count myself in the latter group. It can be a lot of joy, but my gods, does it feel like being sentenced to permanent brain-devouring frustration sometimes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Turns out that many men have no interest in power tools, DIY or repairing stuff. They\u2019re perfectly happy to hire a professional to do even the most basic stuff and focus on stuff that matters to them instead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n This is hardly surprising\u200a\u2014\u200adespite the ferocity with which the alpha male crowd is pushing this, pretty much every psychological study says that it all only leads to stress, pressure, anxiety and depression. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Some themes came up less often: turns out that plenty of guys don\u2019t care about being stoic and anyone\u2019s emotional rock, want nothing to do with cars and are quite happy engaging in a variety of hobbies seen as feminine.<\/p>\n\n\n\n It was really good to see such a variety of replies and people saying so clearly how happy they are to have stepped beyond the man-box and found what actually works for them. There is a story behind every step on this journey and I think that men should share more of those stories to help each other see beyond the limits of the box and into the realm of possibilities available to them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Feel free to share yours in the comments!<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Or better\u200a\u2014\u200aI am planning to record a series of short video interviews on that topic. If you would like to partake in one of them, get in touch.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Meanwhile, I invite you all, guys, to enjoy your lives the way you want to, without giving a flying fuck about what society tells you men should be like. Do manly stuff if you want to, don\u2019t if you don\u2019t. Pick and choose the bits that work for you and leave the rest to others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n And if anyone has a problem with you on that front, just play them this:<\/p>\n\n\n\nWho actually cares about this?<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
The stuff we\u2019re happy to leave out<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
First of all, many guys don\u2019t give a squat about what books, TV and cinema<\/strong> are said to be \u2018manly\u2019. <\/h4>\n\n\n\n
The second most common answer was: chasing women<\/strong>. <\/h4>\n\n\n\n
Then, it\u2019s sports. <\/h4>\n\n\n\n
Sex was next. <\/h4>\n\n\n\n
Having to be Mr Fixit was pretty high up the list, too. <\/h4>\n\n\n\n
Hierarchies, competition and having to prove your masculinity to the guys were a big theme, too. <\/h4>\n\n\n\n
A notable mention <\/h4>\n\n\n\n
Why should you care?<\/h3>\n\n\n\n