{"id":255,"date":"2023-09-04T07:38:32","date_gmt":"2023-09-04T07:38:32","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/simonfokt.org\/index.php\/2023\/09\/04\/mens-problems-are-real-problems\/"},"modified":"2024-05-15T09:36:07","modified_gmt":"2024-05-15T09:36:07","slug":"mens-problems-are-real-problems","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/simonfokt.org\/index.php\/2023\/09\/04\/mens-problems-are-real-problems\/","title":{"rendered":"Men\u2019s Problems Are Real Problems"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

There is a worrying trend of denying that the problems men struggle with exist or are important. Loneliness, sexual frustration, confusion over what is appropriate, pressures to conform, difficulties in dealing with emotions, are all routinely trivialised and dismissed.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Doing so is not helpful and only creates more distrust, hurt feelings, and unwillingness to improve. We need to admit men\u2019s problems are real problems and start actually solving them.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n\n

How many articles have you read that make fun of men\u2019s loneliness? How many #MenSoFragile tweets commenting on guys clearly battling with their emotions? How often does a guy speak his pain only to hear: \u2018Oh yeah? Well, women have to deal with [insert bigger pain here]!\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Guys struggling to find their place in a world that is not what we were told it is, are assumed to be unwashed neckbeard man-babies living in their parents\u2019 basement and dismissed. And don\u2019t forget the classic: men don\u2019t struggle with sexual frustration, they just have \u2018blue balls.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Every time I read that men should allow themselves to be more vulnerable and talk about their feelings, I think: well, maybe if there wasn\u2019t an army waiting to invalidate them, they would<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Do we deserve it?<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

I know where this comes from. When men talk about their problems, we typically don\u2019t really want to solve them. It\u2019s hard work! We\u2019re humans and humans are lazy: the best person to do hard work is anyone but me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And we certainly don\u2019t want to admit any of those problems might be our fault. Why, that would certainly imply it\u2019s us who should solve them! It\u2019s so much easier to blame somebody else.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And thus we say we\u2019re lonely and in the same breath, we blame women or demand state-mandated wives. We struggle with our emotions but instead of working on them we just demand others to stop making us feel bad. We can\u2019t find our place in the world so we force others back into a world that was more convenient for us.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Instead of solving our problems, we just try to make them other people\u2019s problems. And what\u2019s worse, we often do it in a way that threatens them and their interests.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Women in particular don\u2019t want to become sexual servants just so straight men don\u2019t experience sexual frustration. Neither do they want to return to oppressive gender roles so we don\u2019t have to figure out our emotions and place in the world.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As we try to \u2018address\u2019 our problems in such ways, perhaps it\u2019s no wonder that others refuse to engage and instead trivialise them or deny they exist.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It goes both ways<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

But that\u2019s not to say that men are just wrong all the time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us genuinely want to improve but are disheartened when we see our very real problems treated with condescension. We hurt, we struggle, and those we\u2019d appreciate help from are rubbing salt into our wounds while mocking us: \u2018Oh no, poor fragile man-baby, it hurts?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We hear that feminism, despite the name, is not just about women\u2019s issues\u200a\u2014\u200ait\u2019s about gender equality. It\u2019s about making the world better for all genders.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But when men struggle, feminists tend to say: \u2018not our problem.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It often seems that they aren\u2019t really interested in resolving the systemic issues that cause men\u2019s problems. They just want men to stop acting those problems out in annoying ways. They don\u2019t want to cure the wound, they just want to slap on a plaster so we stop bleeding on them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I guess they are just as human as men are, laziness and all.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So the truth is: we all need to step up.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What are men\u2019s problems?<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

You might be reading this thinking: Wait, do men actually have that many problems that aren\u2019t just, you know, human problems? What\u2019s all this about anyway?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Well, let me offer you a short list of what I see men struggle with. Note that some of those are problems faced by men who want to date women, but most are not. Note also that I intentionally omit what the MRA guys love to bring up.<\/p>\n\n\n\n