{"id":1020,"date":"2025-12-01T11:31:59","date_gmt":"2025-12-01T11:31:59","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/simonfokt.org\/?p=1020"},"modified":"2026-01-09T11:53:45","modified_gmt":"2026-01-09T11:53:45","slug":"is-masculinity-getting-less-democratic","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/simonfokt.org\/index.php\/2025\/12\/01\/is-masculinity-getting-less-democratic\/","title":{"rendered":"Is Masculinity Getting Less Democratic?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>What happens when boys searching for belonging find answers rooted in dominance instead of care, and what can we do about it? How to foster democratic masculinity?<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>The phrase \u201ccrisis of masculinity\u201d gets thrown around so often that it risks becoming background noise. The \u201ccrisis of democracy\u201d too. What I appreciated about this report is the insistence that these are not two separate crises that occasionally bump into each other. They are parts of the same system. If democracy is weakening, we should expect some of the pressure to show up in gender. And if boys and men are being pulled into rigid, dominance-heavy identities, we should expect democracy to pay the bill.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>These reflections follow a discussion I hosted for professionals working with men and boys. We talked about the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.men4dem.eu\/images\/D5.2%20Democratic%20masculinities%20best%20practices%20report%20FINAL.pdf\">Democratic Masculinities best-practices report <\/a>produced within the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.men4dem.eu\">Men for the Future of European Democracies<\/a> project. We were joined by Jan Hessel (Emancipator, Netherlands), one of the report\u2019s authors, which made the discussion unusually grounded and practical. You can watch the whole thing here<\/em>:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-embed is-type-video is-provider-youtube wp-block-embed-youtube wp-embed-aspect-16-9 wp-has-aspect-ratio\"><div class=\"wp-block-embed__wrapper\">\n<iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"Democratic Masculinites and how to promote them\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/4tXFAsA-lo8?feature=oembed\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share\" referrerpolicy=\"strict-origin-when-cross-origin\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe>\n<\/div><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Is the democracy problem a masculinity problem?<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>A lot of us grew up assuming democratic norms were basically stable: imperfect, contested, but ultimately self-repairing. The last decade has seriously challenged this safe belief. Principles many of us treated as solid and safe have taken strong hits.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But it would be way too cheap to just say that \u2018men are the problem.\u2019 However, many men these days feel quite insecure in the changing world, and insecurity creates vulnerability, and vulnerability attracts dubious entrepreneurs. Economic shocks, unstable work, widening inequality, the sense that the world is unpredictable and unfair\u2026 none of this is gender-neutral in its effects, but it becomes especially combustible when filtered through a socialization that teaches boys to interpret uncertainty as shame.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>And then come the political actors who know how to profit from that shame.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The report\u2019s framing lands because it refuses to separate \u201cradicalization\u201d from the everyday emotional and cultural landscape of male upbringing. The report states:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\">\n<p>Antidemocratic movements feed on men\u2019s loneliness, pain, and their search for meaning,\u00a0 belonging, and significance in a world that feels increasingly complex, unstable, and disconnected.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<p>That\u2019s not moral condemnation. It\u2019s a map.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The authors\u2019 point was that work on masculinities doesn\u2019t happen in a vacuum. There are forces tapping into these insecurities and offering stability, direction, and certainty. The problem is what kind of certainty: rigid ideas of masculinity that promise relief but produce a logical endpoint of more extreme political views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>This is the pivot that matters. The &#8216;solution&#8217; being offered isn\u2019t just bad for women, minorities, or democracy in the abstract. It\u2019s bad for the boys themselves. It trains them into a posture that makes real connection harder, and then sells them dominance as compensation for the connection they\u2019re losing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>The Manosphere isn\u2019t an ideology. It\u2019s belonging, packaged as power<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>There is something I think we underestimate: many boys aren\u2019t radicalized by ideology first. They\u2019re recruited by recognition.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Many of the world\u2019s old certainties are disappearing religion, neighbourhoods, stable work, rootedness, long-term friendship groups. This affects everyone, but there is a specifically male bind there: boys still hear &#8216;be a provider&#8217; even though this might be neither possible nor needed. The old roles shrink, the new roles are unclear. And leaning into feminine-coded qualities is still socially punished.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/simonfokt.org\/index.php\/2023\/09\/04\/mens-problems-are-real-problems\/\">Those problems are real.<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>So boys learn to compete, to hide vulnerability, to be rational, to not speak their inner life. They experience a kind of double loneliness: the loneliness of not expressing their pain, and the loneliness of believing you\u2019re the only one struggling because other boys don\u2019t show it either.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Then they go online. And there they find answers that are not only clear-cut, but professionally produced, algorithmically delivered, and backed by money.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>This is why a line from the report really stayed with me:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\">\n<p>Antidemocratic&nbsp; narratives exploit male isolation by offering promises of power, control, and dominance as substitutes&nbsp; for basic human needs\u2014love, belonging, and meaning.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<p>That \u201csubstitute\u201d dynamic is the whole tragedy. If you sell a lonely person dominance as medicine, you don\u2019t just fail to heal them. You teach them to distrust the very practices that would heal them: openness, mutuality, vulnerability, asking for help.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>It becomes a self-perpetuating circle: the more someone invests in hierarchical dominance, the harder it is to get the belonging they were actually seeking. Love and meaning don\u2019t arrive on command because you acquired status symbols. Even if you get the Ferrari moment, it\u2019s a gleaming second. Then what?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Meanwhile, the damage the Manosphere does is incredible because there are real issues in the background that demand effort, thought, and care. Instead, boys get misdirected towards bad solutions. They\u2019re told it\u2019s a zero-sum competition, and they\u2019re taught to resent women for not needing them in the old ways. That bitterness against women and feminism doesn\u2019t appear out of nowhere. It\u2019s cultivated.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But there\u2019s a tension here worth naming. We can\u2019t treat boys as passive sponges for Tate-style messaging. But they are smarter than that. They interpret, resist, contradict themselves. There are many ways to reach them and they will be responsive if we talk to them about the things they actually care about and offer solutions which really work for them.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Hessel, the author of the report, often delivers workshops in schools. When he asks teens for role models, many say \u201cmy father,\u201d and when asked why, the answer is often: \u201cbecause he is sweet.\u201d&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Sweet. Not dominant. Not rich. Not feared. Sweet.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Which tells us something hopeful: beneath the veneer of &#8216;cool,&#8217; a lot of boys already know what actually feels human. And we can tap into it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>If we want democratic men, we need democratic environments<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>The report\u2019s big practical move is to shift from prevention to empowerment. That word can make people flinch (&#8216;male empowerment&#8217; sounds dangerous), but in the report it is used carefully: not empowering dominance, but empowering men\u2019s capacity for care, relationship, and democratic participation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>How to do this? The report looked at the practice of dozens of organisations working with men and boys and distilled three most successful mechanisms:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ol class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>fostering empathy<br><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>transforming together<br><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>messaging that focuses on care and empowerment<br><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n\n\n\n<p>The togetherness of the project, the meeting of other men in an empathic way, the witnessing of everyone\u2019s struggles and challenges &#8211; that is the best antidote for the dominance and power-based mindsets peddled elsewhere. It\u2019s about building safety with your hands: remove tables, sit in a circle, co-create group norms, make the room more egalitarian. Create spaces where men don\u2019t fold into the defensive posture but open up to searching for answers. Thankfully, men\u2019s circles are on the rise and it\u2019s amazing to see evidence supporting their effectiveness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But then there\u2019s accountability. A space that allows expression but never challenges harmful claims isn\u2019t a men\u2019s circle; it\u2019s an accelerant. It\u2019s what incel forums do. We need spaces where men can express themselves but also be reminded that it\u2019s not all about them &#8211; and reminded in a positive and encouraging way, because if he is \u2018thrown out of a bar\u2019 for saying problematic things, well, he\u2019ll just go elsewhere &#8211; and probably do much worse.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>So we need trained adults who can do both: validate the underlying need and challenge the harmful conclusion. Sometimes you reverse perspectives, sometimes you use humor, sometimes you go direct with facts. The point is to be ready, because the issue is multifaceted and the response has to be multifaceted too. My current work focuses on collaborating with various NGOs across Europe to develop a practitioner\u2019s toolkit:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Can being good also be cool?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>There is one more discomfort that I still think we need to face. A lot of our \u201cbetter masculinity\u201d language is morally correct but aesthetically weak. The manosphere doesn\u2019t just sell ideas; it sells vibes. Tires screech. Cameras cut fast. Everything looks like coolness, wealth, and effortless belonging.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Meanwhile, caring masculinity and democratic masculinity often gets marketed like a public health leaflet.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>That\u2019s not a joke. It\u2019s a strategic weakness. If we want to meet boys where they are, we have to take seriously the fact that many boys want to feel cool, strong, admired, and alive. If our only answer is to stay morally strong and do the right thing, we\u2019re going to lose. You might as well run a \u2018Just Say No\u2019 campaign against drugs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Moreover, the world rewards simple messages, but life is complex. If you want to draw attention to this complexity, you\u2019re going to have a frustrating task. Sure, you can\u2019t bench-press yourself out of depression &#8211; but it doesn\u2019t stop millions of people from trying. So how do you make things simple enough for people to actually engage with, yet avoid surrendering nuance?&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Now, of course, that\u2019s not to say that boys and young men are incapable of resisting cool images. Their instincts are often more pro-human than the culture they consume. The problem is representation. So part of the work is rebranding what is cool and awesome: showing authority figures who lead with care, teachers who greet boys at the door and ask how they are, men who can be respected without being emotionally illiterate.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>It\u2019s not making boys less like boys. It\u2019s widening the repertoire. You can love football and also learn emotional processing. You can be rational and also be relational. Being all that shouldn\u2019t exclude half of life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>And then there\u2019s the structural point: this can\u2019t be solved purely bottom-up. NGOs can do excellent interventions, but the problem is systemic. If ministries of education know where boys are for five hours a day, then \u201chow do we reach them before Tate?\u201d isn\u2019t a mystery. It\u2019s a question of political will.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>So here\u2019s my takeaway: we need a two-level strategy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>We need early, embedded education that teaches how to do human connection before the crisis hits. And we need compelling, culturally literate narratives that make democratic masculinity feel not only right, but also awesome and desirable. And I mean early. Because if boys are never asked what they think until they\u2019re 18 and suddenly told to care about democracy, we shouldn\u2019t be surprised when they choose the loudest certainty on offer.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>What happens when boys searching for belonging find answers rooted in dominance instead of care, and what can we do about it? How to foster democratic masculinity? The phrase \u201ccrisis of masculinity\u201d gets thrown around so often that it risks becoming background noise. The \u201ccrisis of democracy\u201d too. What I appreciated about this report is [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1021,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[11],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1020","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-masculinity"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.3 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Is Masculinity Getting Less Democratic? - Man&#039;s Compass with Dr Simon Fokt<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"What happens when boys searching for belonging find answers rooted in dominance instead of care, and how to foster democratic masculinity?\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/simonfokt.org\/index.php\/2025\/12\/01\/is-masculinity-getting-less-democratic\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_GB\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Is Masculinity Getting Less Democratic? 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